do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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