I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
