can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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