If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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