I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
