Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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