all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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