Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
