11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
