One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
