that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
