Say something about gay babies.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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