You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
