To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
