I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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