Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
