My friends, they love my intelligence
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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