I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
