FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
