i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize