i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
