Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We need a shit load of segways right now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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