I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
