we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
