8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
