Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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