Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
