i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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