Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
