i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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