shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
PANTIES FOUND
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