I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
