Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize