tell your sister to shave her snatch
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
