I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
