This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
