Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
