im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
