Who wears a wallet chain?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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