I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
