I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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