first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
