I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
