Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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