What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize