shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
