Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
