Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
