Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
