my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
