I think scott just propositioned me for sex
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
