tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
