OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize