Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
