You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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