positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
