Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
