where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
