If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
