I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
