I accidentally burped into my bong.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
