You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there's paper in my vomit.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
