you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
