What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
