so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
