is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
