Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize