I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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