Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize