Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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