think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
