you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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