i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
