just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
