all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
