pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
