he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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