Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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