your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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