mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
one might say we're banned from that church
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
