Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
