is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
