just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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