tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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