i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize