Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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