We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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