my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
