Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My vagina is very pro this idea
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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