i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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