Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
