hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize