I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize