i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
