god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
