I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
